I Went To Infinity And Beyond...But They Won't Let Me Have My Money Back!

 
 So, we all know what happened on the 6th June, right? Yes! You are right. It was my birthday.  Rather overshadowed by some other event but special non-the-less .....to someone.

Anyway, before you yawn so much you lock your jaw let's get on with the matter in hand....hmm. Maybe not. You don't want to see what I'm holding in my hand.

Dirty, dirty, dirty!

Well, my birthday and I thought that for once I would treat myself and not just concentrate on buying something that would have to be work related.  Yeah, right. So here I am looking at the books I bought myself

meh

As I stopped buying comics in April 2013 I thought I would treat myself to the trades of The Avengers current series (or has it been rebooted since??).  I had the single comic issues up until no.13 and as I found a seller on ebay who was selling the trades dirt cheap I jumped straight in.

Okay, I get it. Disney wants the Avengers in comics to be like the Avengers in the movies.  Reading the story Avengers World in one chunk made me realise two things:

1) The story was messy and badly laid out.

2) Although I like Opena's work it just does not work here.

Looking at Captain America drawn by Opena was....painful.  As was looking at Captain Marvel.  They all looked drawn and under-nourished.  The style works well in other genres but not super heroes. Or sci fi super heroes.

And, yes, "Avengers World" was plucked right out of the movie.

Let me just ask: why Hyperion and not the Sentry?  The super hero everyone, but the Hulk, forgot about and who threw the Void into the sun and returned to join the Avengers.  Sure that was 2013 but this character was, like, Superman, y'know?

THAT'S HIM! There -above! The Sentry. Maybe he looked too gay for Disney with all that muscle and long hair...a bit like....Tarzan. Okay. Shot myself down in flames there. Me? I want a team that'll kick the ass of any major menance I want me a superman-like team-mate!

Or...am I...the...only...one who...remembers...the Sentry??????

Whatever, the characterisation just was not there. It was basically "A.I.M. kidnapped me from my microverse as it was being destroyed. I'm dark and broody.  Stuffy and superior to everyone....if I can be bothered."    And there seemed to be the Hickman trademark "I'm being very clever and confusing everyone with bad pacing and story-telling" (I don't actually believe that is what Hickman thinks but he's being so over-used by Marvel and having to stretch the limits of his ability that it's just turning messy (you know, like that other "I'm very clever" writer who killed Captain America and then mocked fans who were upset their favourite character had been not killed).

Then we had the prelude to the much hyped Infinity and that was aptly titled...uh, "Infinity" which, like, y'know, was kinda mind-blowing cuz, like it had the same title as the Infinity mini-series.  Man, those dudes at Marvel push that envelope!

Which is another way of me writing: "Wow. How ****** original. I'm underwhelmed" -hey, I'm old so I got my grumpy old bastid certificate.

I so want to write something nice (even if only to make me feel the money was well-spent!). Although I may say things about the artwork I ought to point out that this is not awful.  The big problem is with the fact that The Avengers are not The Avengers of classic stories and history making.  They are suffering poor characterisation and plot lines so split up and scattered about that you simply stop caring. This is NOT Captain America.  This is NOT Thor.  This is NOT Iron Man and where the **** is the Wasp after they brought her back in the Heroic Age Avengers storyline from a microverse???

Honestly, Hickman had his pick of the heroes of the Marvel Universe and this was his selection?  I have a feeling that selection might have been limited -Ant-man? No, he's only been around fifty years(?) so until he's introduced as a comedic character (WTF is that about?? Feckin Disney again!) in the movie that no one seems to want to direct because they are all prima donnas and too well paid -why doesn't someone just say "F*** you Disney Marvel: I'm making this as a serious movie!" huh?

Disney probably sees all the $ signs for Ant-man kiddy cartoons and merchandise -remember: Disney killed the excellent Avengers: Earth's Mightiest Heroes animated series with season 2 and replaced it with Avengers Assemble which was pure Disney junk.

But Disney "Will not" mess with how Marvel does things.  Sorry, I laughed so much when I wrote that I think I wet myself.

But what I could not understand from these books is that no artist seemed to be given a guide on how the characters looked.  Not just in costume either. Two characters talking to Captain America and I'm looking and asking who the **** are they? Oh, Hawkeye and "Banner"...even if they look the same and the Hulk...yewch.

In all seriousness, characters seemed to be going in one direction and then seemed to have been forgotten (I guess Hickman lost his notes).  Above all, I was left several times asking "what the hell just happened? " and I'm not kidding. I went back...a planet destroyed? What? WHERE??!! and I began to ask whether I'd purchased a book with pages missing.

Oh, and to Marvel production: you are asses. Every last one of you. In the comics the word balloons reach out into margins but in paperback and the hardback books, you have to stress back the pages and book spines to see these.  Also, the "AR" red lettering was annoying enough in the comic series panels (something to do with getting digital editions? I don't give a ****) BUT to include these in the trades just makes it look amateurish.

Oh, also, WHY is everyone now calling Tony Stark "Anthony"?? For decades its been "Tony"...I could go on but I wont't.

And so onward to the "sensational event of the months" (before another reboot I guess) Infinity.  Always loved Thanos (Americans: it is pronounced "Fan-Oss" and not "Fay-noss") and I think Jim Starlin and his work with the characters over the years has been fantastic.

In case you do not know, the first volume has a bright clear image of Thanos on the cover.  The second has a bleary-eyed, faded image of Thanos on the cover -possibly to indicate how you'll feel by the time you get to this book. On that score -10 out of 10 Marvel.

Captain Universe is back.  Okay, not for long as "The universe is dying" (a little Crisis on Infinite Earths rip-off there).  I did at one point say out loud "Hurry up then!"  Naughty.  But on Galador, home of the Space Knights those same Space Knights (we cannot say "Rom" because of the toy copyright) fight to save their planet.  Cue Captain Universe arriving as things get bad to tell two Galador citizens nothing can save their world (segment rip-off of Crisis #1-Pariah does the same in Crisis).  The citizens quickly (their world is being destroyed) recite how the Space Knights originated and how they fought in the Wraith War blah blah blah. Captain Universe tells them again it won't help as everything is ending and cue a "white out"...Crisis rip-off #2.

And guess what? A few of those Avengers issues I bought in trades are in here along with others. NOW I see why the Avengers trade stories made no sense at points --they had to have the tie-ins from Infinity and other books.  The Award for rip off of the year goes to Marvel Comics -come on, DC -you CAN do it!!

Even with the completed story it is messy. Plot-wise....ugh...well, Thanos is a cameo character until the final part (no spoilers in case). And the much sought after son of Thanos...talk about anti-climax.  And these child tribute heads Thanos wanted?  The Infinity Gems? The Illuminati? The space war? Most were dead ends and the space war was just messy both story AND art-wise.

Hickman seemed to be trying to conclude a great many storylines which only a writer of his calibre snicker could do....and failed.  After all the drama and hype we have all these alien worlds raising "A" banners as they are now "Avengers Worlds" (sorry, that poop was either me or the story) .  Hey, the Kree and Skrulls are now rebuilding for further Kree-Skrull empire clashes -none of it would have been possible without their chosen hero to celebrate....Captain America.

Seriously??? Hasn't the character had enough shit laid on it?

And then we come to one concluding story segment...after another concluding story segment...bleh...bleh bleh.

So what does the imprisoned cosmic character called Black Swan (really) tell the Avengers at the very end?  It ain't over -this is the beginning.  Yep, folks: it ain't over until the fat man (Joe Quesada) sings and I'm told he can't sing because all he can do is say "Yes, Boss"/"Great idea Boss"/"Do I drop my pants now, Boss?"

Here's a joke.  Avengers #20 is tucked into Infinity volume 1.  Fair enough?  So WHY is Avengers #6 tucked into Infinity volume #2???

It's a mess.  Two hefty volumes of messy-ness and with the so called Avengers basically cameo characters in a Star Wars rip off (DON'T think I didn't see the dialogue references to Star Wars) all I was left feeling was that I did not care.

The whole Avengers and Earth and their place in space was dealt with in the twelve issue classic Avengers Forever from December 1998 to November 1999. The series was written by Kurt Busiek and Roger Stern and drawn by Carlos Pacheco and Jesus Merino.  That series was excellently drawn and sorted out all the continuity glitches from  40 years of Avengers books but also set the Avengers place in history following the "Destiny War" and that brings me to a MAJOR problem with all this: where the feck was Kang the Conqueror/Immortus -they/he had no interest in these events?

And let me tell you, if you ever get a chance to buy the two volume (bumper issues) Kree-Skrull Wars and I believe (judging by the cover) that there is a new all-in-one-volume edition -DO!! The story-line ran through The Avengers back in 1972(?) and was WAY better than Infinity.  Also, you could buy the black and white Marvel Essentials volume with those issues in.

 

Now, THERE were real writers who were intelligent, clever and did not try to confuse readers to make themselves look ultra clever.

If anything, these volumes convinced me that Marvel stopped being the "House of Ideas" a good while back.  Of course, next crisis comes along or the next movie and we'll all get another insulting reboot. The thing that struck me is that Hickman, like Poopbaker Brubaker, have no idea just what Captain America or the Avengers stood for.  Just as no one at DC knows....well, anything.

A very depressing big read (yeah, all of them in one week) and I wished I had not....

Hey -do you hear that?

Sounds like a big fat lady singing "I'll do that for a dollar!".....

Is...that...Joe Quesada??